Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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