I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
