I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
