Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize