Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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