Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
