you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
