Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize