This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
