that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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