Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
