That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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