I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
