I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
