WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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