So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
