just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
