By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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