i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
