theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize