I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
