please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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