Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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