Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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