Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have already put on my inside pants.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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