Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize