You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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