That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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