I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
