Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
