3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
