There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
