now i know why i became what i already was.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
