He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
