3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Nicole vs. Life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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