the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
