So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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