Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
