He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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