Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
