Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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