I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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