Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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