Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
