I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
