Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
