Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
