I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
