Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
