ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
