sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
