It's Friday. Sex?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
