My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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