I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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