we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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