So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
