I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
