I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
