He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
