I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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