Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
