i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize