My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Watching her eat just hurts me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize