that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
