please come you make the beer taste better
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
