Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
