He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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